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    Shaojie Zhang

    Rapture8
    Rapture8
    11th Division Captain
    11th Division Captain


    Rank : Captain
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    Shaojie Zhang Empty Shaojie Zhang

    Post by Rapture8 Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:44 am







    (Shinigami Warrior of God)


    (Your character here)



    Shaojie Zhang



    "My past doesn't mater, just the future"



    Basic Information:

    Name: Shaojie Zhang
    Age: 729
    Age Appearance: 28
    Gender: Male
    Affiliation: squad 11
    Division: 11
    Rank: captain
    Appearance:
    Spoiler:
    Personality: A laid back character that normally won't get serious til given a reason. example: squad member or team can be in danger or captains meeting



    Your Legacy:

    Character Story:

    Shaojie grew up on the streets. He was a very strong young man, growing up getting jobs that weren't the most honorable. Often hired and sent out as a hit-man on people who can't pay back to loan sharks or if he was paid the money on arrival by the contract target, he have to make example out of them for paying late.

    He hated his life style, too active and always felt that he should be more then what he was. He always had his guitar with him as it was his only companion he had for years. One day he got a offer that could have paid off massively and ended his time as a hit-man. High risk job, some guards to a Shinigami family estate had borrowed more money then they could pay back.

    That night, he sneaked into the estate and tracked down the men that borrowed the cash, when he attacked the guards he had made obliterated them. As he got the valuables off them, which had been apart the contract, he was suddenly trapped in place unable to move and over-powered by bakudo number 61: Rikujokro. The elder Shinigami had caught Shaojie, putting his Zanpakutō to his neck he look him over before sheathing it. Giving Shaojie a chance to explain his actions, the elder offered him a "choice" death by him for killing the guards or join the Seireiti Clan he was apart of.

    Shaojie agreed, was collected later that evening and brought to trained as a shinigami. Due to his past, he saw it as a chance to try and make up for his evil deeds. He grow fast and strong working his way up the clan. The elder died soon after he sent away, never knowing the man who spared his life he decide to go visit his loan shark former employers and "shut them down", to keep his full past a secret and to stop more suffering cause of them.

    By time he enter squad 11, Shaojie he had felt that his acts through the many years he could sleep easy and repaid for his sins of the past. He grow more and more laid back, he never stopped growing in power and eventually through luck and his skills made it to be a captain. For him it was a sour moment, he was with the squad and only hand full of survivors of an ambush that took his captains life by self sacrifice to save members his squad. A listen that Shaojie respects greatly.

    RP Sample:

    Shaojie left a dark ally it was early morning and the traders of the street stalls where only starting to set up. He has cigarette in his mouth lightening it, he walked slowly throw traders admiring the odd bit of fresh food. He hears a argument starting down a few stalls between owner and his wife where he goes up slowly enjoying his cigarette.

    With the couple fighting getting more intense and loud. Shaojie walked up behind the man putting the cigarette out of back the mans neck. "A man should never raise his voice to a woman". Man turns to attack the stranger as Shaojie shifts back quickly allowing the mans rash attempt at him to miss wildly.

    Woman starts to yell for help for her husband as the other stalls lower there head. Shaojie had gathered a reputation that had gone around stalls in the area, none would help the man against this giant of a man death collector. Shaojie grabbed the man by the neck and pins him clean to a wall at his eye high.

    After pinning the man to the wall he turned his head to the wife of the man his contract is for "you borrowed money off wrong people I am afraid." A sorrow tone in his voice. No one hated his job as much as he did. after few moments it was clear to him they didn't have the cash where he executed his contract to the word.



    Powers & Abilities:

    {To be able to use technique, Shikai and Bankai, knowledge and know how must be acquired in-game)

    Zanpakutō:
    Zanpakuto Spirit Description:
    Spoilers:
    Zanpakuto Name: Fuascailte
    Inner World: Is a maze of streets with stalls all centered around a large keep
    Sealed Appearance:
    Spoiler:

    Shikai
    Name: Solas
    Shikai Release Phrase: Solas shall bring my light
    Released Appearance:
    Spoiler:
    Shikai Special Ability:
    Spoilers:


    Bankai
    Name: Dlí agus Cirt
    Bankai Release Phrase: Give me your arms Fuascailte!
    Released Appearance:
    Spoiler:
    Bankai Special Ability:
    Spoiler:


    Abilities

    (Max 12, you can add/unlock as you progress, but to be able to use technique, you must acquire it in-game)

    Name: Athrú
    State: All
    Terms of Usage: Shaojie needs just see small part the person and being his naked eye and know who it is.
    Description: He can switch places with them in a instant
    Downside: If target isn't willing to switch shoajie is left blinded for two posts after the switch. [PS: before i use this move on an ally you get a private message looking for your approval of me using it]

    Name: tonn turraing
    State: Shikia
    Terms of Usage: hands got be on both guards and 200 meter range
    Description: the two blades on top of the sword change up and fire a shock wave that will define and disorientate them
    Downside: One post charge up time. four post after shots taken cool down

    Name: Rockets
    State: Bankia
    Terms of Usage: Line sight, all four rockets most go to one target. 200 meter max range.
    Description: Each hands fingers act as projectiles each time he uses this ability he uses only one hand per post. Each finger hits explodes against the target leaving a smoke around the target.
    Downside: 7 posts cool down each arm has its own cool down, 1 post for fingers to return.

    Name: Ghabháil
    State:Bankia
    Terms of Usage: I most have clean line of sight and with in 100 meters.
    Description: Shaojie sends one or both of his arms to a target. the arms grabs a hold the target in a grip of his choosing, from light grip to a death grip. He can then decide to slam it down into ground with the target going any way he wishes example: Head first or feet. or simply bring target to him at high speed.
    Downside: On a miss his arm takes two posts to return to him. five post cool down on each individual arm.


    [/color]






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    Last edited by Rapture8 on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:29 am; edited 3 times in total
    Rapture8
    Rapture8
    11th Division Captain
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    Rank : Captain
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    Shaojie Zhang Empty Re: Shaojie Zhang

    Post by Rapture8 Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:45 am

    bump
    Rapture8
    Rapture8
    11th Division Captain
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    Rank : Captain
    Posts : 149
    BD-cash : 4633

    Shaojie Zhang Empty Re: Shaojie Zhang

    Post by Rapture8 Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:56 am

    One thing add onto bottom is if you find typo's while reading this and like it changed please point out exactly where it is please, i am a dyslexic and it take a very long time for me find it ^^" sorry for any in convince that causes to anyone.
    Aki_624
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    Post by Aki_624 Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:56 am

    A little spelling, grammar mistakes but don't worry about it. As long as we can understand what your trying to get across it shouldn't be a problem. My only question is with your ability

    "Name: Athrú
    State: All
    Terms of Usage: Shaojie needs just see small part the person.
    Description: He can switch places with them in a instant
    Downside: If target isn't willing to switch his left blinded for two seconds after the switch."

    If you see your opponent you may switch with them, but they have to agree with the switch?

    Rapture8
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    Post by Rapture8 Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:28 am

    Its designed for to work with allies.

    example of it causing the blind in the downside would be: if in heat battle i was swap with you and you wouldn't be willing to do swap you still be swapped around but for me it cause a momentary blindness cause i had to force you to move. again if i was to swap with a enemy by force i be blinded for the two seconds but It be a rare that I be in that position where I need swap with a enemy
    ShinishiNamba
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    Post by ShinishiNamba Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:31 am

    Ok so to start with your Shikai and Bankai Special Abilities need clarification.

    Shikai:
    As I read it, your Shikai seems to be overpowered. I like the stacking idea but I feel as though 25 stacks is too much and potentially you could switch the fighting styles after one reached 25 stacks which could potentially put you at or above the other captains in one or each of the buffed areas. I suggest you half the amount of stacks for shikai. How does your ability stack? is it off of hits or posts? if its off of hits is it if you make contact with the other player or is it off of contact made with anything? so if we are fighting do you get a stack if I block? or if you miss do you still get a stack?

    Bankai:
    Your Bankai it appears that as written, if your opponent blocks one of your attacks they still get hit. Is there a range to how far the arms can go? If you are keeping the stacks, a clarification on how many stacks you can go to, their point value.

    Abilities:

    All of your abilities have player control effects, now this would not be possible since you can't control another player(without consent). I suggest you replace minutes and seconds to number of posts, also I feel as though your downsides to your abilities do not balance out their effects.

    Examples:

    Name: ghabháil
    State: Bankia
    Terms of Usage: I most have clean line of sight
    Description: Shaojie sends one or both of his arms to a target. the arms grabs a hold the target in a grip of his choosing, from light grip to a death grip. He can then decide to slam it down into ground with the target going any way he wishes example: Head first or feet. or simply bring target to him at high speed.
    Downside: His missing the arm until he returns to him

    An Area of Effect would help balance this ability also putting a post limit on a missed grab for your downside, charge or cooldown time would help as well.


    Name: Athrú
    State: All
    Terms of Usage: Shaojie needs just see small part the person.
    Description: He can switch places with them in a instant
    Downside: If target isn't willing to switch his left blinded for two seconds after the switch.

    Same here for an Area of Effect, potentially if you could barely see a person you could switch with them or if you were using lets say binoculars you could switch with them and a post limit on a failed attempt to switch. A charge time and cooldown would also help balance this ability as well.

    Name: tonn turraing
    State: Shikia
    Terms of Usage: hands got be on both guards and a short charge up rate.
    Description: the two blades on top of the sword change up and fire a shock wave that will define and disorientate them
    Downside: two second charge up time

    Is this usable using all of the 3 of your styles or just 1? put a post charge timer and a post recharge timer. what is the range of this ability?

    Name: Rockets
    State: Bankia
    Terms of Usage: Line sight, all four rockets most go to one target.
    Description: Each hands fingers act as projectiles each time he uses this ability he uses only one hand. new fingers replace them instantly. each finger hits explodes against the target.
    Downside: each time he uses the ability that arm needs a three minute recharge

    What is the range of the ability? replace the minutes for number of posts(the amount of posts is up to you) is it each time a hand fires that the ability is considered used?

    If you have any questions about what i've posted feel free to PM me for clarification.
    Rapture8
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    Post by Rapture8 Thu Jan 08, 2015 5:02 am

    Shinishi thanks for your comment and your suggestions are appreciated.

    Shikai: Its a flat boost to his stances + 5 [i used a 5 as I don't know yer system and seemed like a good idea at the time] it doesn't grow with the stacks he builds. The amount of stacks only effect his bankia which as result when he goes bankia [no longer can grow in stacks or lose] he gets boosts to all 3 stats written in the shikia to a max of five [again five was picked with out knowing yer stats system.] just to clear up the stacks get divided by 5 and rounded down for example 18 stacks equal a 3 stats boost.

    Bankia: Reach for fists be six feet [I can change it down to five feet if that's overpowering]. if you were to block his fist there wouldn't be a shock wave only if he reach his 25 max stacks and of course the shock wave wouldn't hit hard enough for real damage but to wear them down. shock waves also have a hard reach of four feet feet each direct.

    for ghabháil: effect range 100 meters, Recharge per individual arm is five posts so each has its own cooldown timer and one post missing arm if miss.

    Athrú: Sorry I left out detail of it being his naked eye and know who it is and how about a 3 post cooldown. I would only use this with allies that agree player to player and enemy well its not meant to block it as its not an attack, and downside be two turn blinded for Shoajie if target wasn't willing to swap.

    tonn turraing: 200 meters range, one post charge up, one style can use it that being the style with each hand on different guard and a 4 post cooldown, also to not this ability knocks two stacks off any gained stacks he doesn't need stacks to use it but if he had zero or one it goes to zero doesn't go negative.

    Rockets: 200 meters range per rocket from finger. 7 post cooldown per arm same as the grabs style. and fingers return in 2 posts.

    Can i add abilities later throw rp's cause I only have four as i struggling with ideas his a passive based fighter is the idea with abilities to help him use his passive for damage
    Zatoichi
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    Post by Zatoichi Thu Jan 08, 2015 7:55 am

    Everything you'll need to know for the system we use as far as numbers and statsbdcs information desk
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    Post by Rapture8 Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:29 am

    I was told that no point looking at it til after ye allocate me points or a admin?
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    Post by Zatoichi Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:20 am

    The number values your using in your shikai and bankai abilities would suggest your passing off something. The point system we use for our characters is but starting base for all based solely on the rank your aiming to get should you get approved.
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    Post by Rapture8 Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:44 am

    Hey Zatoichi am i understand the later part of your comment but the first part I am afraid I don't fully understand you on it or am I one looking to hard at it?

    PS: thanks for the info in the later part
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    Post by Zatoichi Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:13 am

    Just be less vague in justification of detailing your abilities as you appear to be. Basically be more descriptive as possible in all the abilities you are making for your shikai and bankai. Because of how it looks its way to vague and rushed in how you went about doing that section of your application.
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    Post by Rapture8 Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:53 pm

    Hey guys i edited the character post I hope it clears up all questions people had if not please give me an example of how ye use the power if that's not to much hassle
    ShinishiNamba
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    Post by ShinishiNamba Fri Jan 09, 2015 9:37 pm

    1/2 Approved
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    Post by Lee_Takamoto Sat Jan 10, 2015 12:37 am

    Just two things and you'll be clear and its just a bit of wording.
    Athrú says that if they don't agree to switch, then something happens. I am not sure as to what that 'something' is.
    The other is the 'stacks' of the shikai. So, do these have a stopping point or can they keep going up depending on switches?
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    Post by Rapture8 Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:26 am

    the effect is in the downside sorry about that i fix that i had reword the character one stage as i had the wrong idea on how cooldowns. its makes shoajie blind for two turns if they dont agree and for second question is max 25 stacks total. doesnt matter what stance he uses they all add up to a max stat of 25 [after post: i read the shikia i forgot to say 25 max stat as i had declared it in my bankia which i had written first during creation, sorry. i edited that at the end of the shikia
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    Post by Lee_Takamoto Sat Jan 10, 2015 5:53 pm

    2/2 Approved

    Your CS contains no errors and is therefore acceptable by me. Make sure you have read and understand the Rules before you begin Role Playing.
    Rapture8
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    Post by Rapture8 Sat Jan 10, 2015 6:51 pm

    Thanks guys and yes i will read it asap

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